what’s wrong with romantic movies i watch a short film & a man is fixed by love. i groan maybe because love is not a medicine cabinet. maybe because love confuses the shit out of me & if it’s simple as holding hands in a diner i’ve lost years overthinking it. maybe i’m too broken for a pair of hands to hold me together. maybe no one’s fractured pieces will make me whole because i’m not broken. or maybe it’s a stupid fucking ending & doesn’t need explanation. if love is looking for my broken pieces in someone else, i am a terrible thief and an easy mark. did i mention the man in the movie is a pickpocket? steals from the woman he loves in the first minute of act one. guess he doesn’t find himself in her purse. he returns her belongings. she forgives without thought. it is the one time she speaks. nevermind the rest of it. maybe i don’t think it’s romantic to see a woman turned into sutures for a broken man anymore. i count my stitches by name. what’s wrong with the boogeyman chrildren’s story throws blood on the nightstand. early lessons in adrenaline. eventually darkness under the bed and in the closet morph into every unknown corner. i hold my breath driving through a tunnel and past the cemetery. look for ghosts of drowning victims. fear reminds me my blood’s still there. not a thing can prove non-existence. a friend tells me he doesn’t hate trans people, but what if a predator walks into a bathroom to steal innocence. man says he’s a woman and we should be silent? and the boogieman is real again. hides in obscurity. we think we know the look of shadows. fear swallows reality. story goes: men say they’re women and crawl out of corners. reality goes: men say they’re men draw blood more often. blame safety and their little girls. talk of protection waving bruised knuckles. a transwoman walks into a men’s restroom wearing a dress because it’s the law. no need for stories of boogeymen. her fear walks in fluorescent lighting and carries family pictures in his wallet. goes home to tuck in children whispering scary stories. turns on the nightlight to keep away the boogieman. checks the closet. leaves a kiss on their foreheads.
March 10, 2016