Category Archives: Advice

#2 – 26 Things Emotionally Strong People Do

Man jump
 
Today DMC is Three! We are celebrating by publishing the top-ten most-read posts from the last year!

 
1. Emotionally Strong people are less discouraged by the stresses and discouragements of life than people who aren’t Emotionally Strong people.

2. Emotionally Strong people are able to unemotionally express their emotional needs.

3. Emotionally Strong people don’t focus on the hurdle itself, but on the nourishing Light near and around and on the hurdle.

4. Emotionally strong people eat correctly and exercise the right, and correct way.

5. Emotionally Strong people are able to recover quickly from the emotionally harmful nature of emotional wounds i.e. rejection, failure, or when Whole Foods is out of umeboshi paste.

6. Emotionally strong people get the amount of sleep they need, and understand how to best navigate their own specific and Loving sleep patterns.
Continue reading


Dream Weaver 4.8

dream-waever

Our emotions are nothing but politics.

Every thought is a dream.

We have control over all of these.

Your mind is a machine. You don’t dream of what you haven’t fueled the engine with. This is more complex than it seems and also much simpler. You build your own internal culture. This is not to say we can’t dream of things that don’t exist; we create the non-existent through thought.

There is tongue in the desert avenging your guilt in the shadows of birds.

What are you building?

Contentment seems a goal, but what does it mean to be content now?

There is a boy circling a lemon tree, and when I say lemon I mean boy.

What I’m asking is: Are you content with the brutality that surrounds you?

I think contentment is a lazy dream. Often, when you tell someone that you’re not living a wonderful life, they’ll confront you with your options. This is a good as it gets. It’s either this, or North Korea. It’s either this or Liberia. All of this is a lack of dreams.

You must refuse to accept the possibilities offered to you by the world’s current configuration. You must feed your dreams with this refusal until new possibilities are born. This is how we heal.

Freud wrote about the rewards of neuroses, but you don’t need to read Freud to see how society rewards a lack of imagination, a lack of dreams. It is the dreamer’s duty to refuse this, to shit on contentment.

I am a lion, feeding myself the meat of a dream.

Our emotions are nothing but politics. So are our dreams.

This dream can be anything, and this is part of what the waking means. We practice in one dream for another. None of this needs to make us miserable, either.

It’s hard to be happy while refusing to accept the atrocities of capitalism, or states, of power. But maybe this too stems from a lack of imagination, of dreaming. Happiness and contentment are not the same things. You can allow yourself love in a time of war.

I allow you this vast and silent now.

Religions teach about heaven and hell, but maybe each moment has an afterlife. Maybe each moment of thought is a state of heaven or hell, or anything in between, anything we can dream.


DREAM WEAVER 4.6

dream-waever

In my friend Tony’s dream I am driving him and his wife to a party in a small automobile. By the time they get where they’re going, he may be possessed. Not in the way we’re all already possessed by the ideology permeating the superstructure containing us, but in a more sinister way; things less obvious always seem more sinister.

Ten years ago today I was staring at a photograph of children playing soccer in GCPR era China. Under the photo there was a caption explaining that no one kept score because the game was about fun, not competition.

Tell me all the ways you’re better than your neighbor.

Do you love what you are?

So many dreams I have are about all the reasons I have to hate myself. I’m learning to break into the dream through a door in the sky and shout It’s all right!

Continue reading


DREAM WEAVER 4.4

dream-waever

 

Yesterday I was driving into the city with friends when the stereo in my car did the weird thing the stereo in my car does where the bluetooth cuts out and it shuts itself off at random. When I turned it back on NPR was broadcasting audio of people yelling “Shame on you! Shame on you!”

“Oh, they recorded my dream” I joked. We all laughed. It’s funny because it’s true. We all feel a pointing inward. We all feel that echo of shame.

A week ago I was smoking a joint, driving into the city with a friend, when the stereo did another weird thing the stereo in my car does where a one second slice of the bluetooth audio stream repeats indefinitely and I can’t adjust the volume, which was at maximum, or turn the stereo off. I pulled into the closest rest stop and powered off the car.

Seldom do I wake free from the hold a shameful memory, some days thicker than others with the fog of mistakes made throughout the last forty years of this dream.

 

The time I pushed a boy off a footbridge at summer camp.

The time I shot my neighbor’s house with an AK47.

The time I injected myself with trenbolone.

The times I walked through the bar, karate chopping strangers in their necks.

The time I drew all over another boy’s school uniform. Continue reading


DREAM WEAVER 4.2

dream-waever

A friend writes:

Dear Weaver of Dreamz–

I have three different recurring dreams, and I wonder if they are connected somehow.

In one, I am in Paris. I have always loved that city, have lived there before, visited it numerous times since I first went there as a child. It is very much a second home to me. However, over the last ten years or so, after several terrifying experiences with storms and turbulence, I’ve become much more nervous about flying, particularly for more than a few hours at a time. So the idea of being on a plane for ten hours from the west coast to Europe seems like a daunting prospect, and is something I have not done since 2008. In the dream, I am always already in Paris, and surprised to find myself there. I never actually dream about the flight itself, but once in Paris I always seem to recall that the flight was not really a big deal, though it still gives me shivers of anxiety thinking about it.

The second is a reconciliation dream. I am with someone, a friend or an ex that I have not seen in a long while, with whom there has been some tension or falling out, and we end up laughing or kissing or collaborating, and becoming closer than we ever were before. Like most dreams that involve unexpected intimacy, I wake up with a genuine feeling of connection to that person, and whatever was between us has been healed. Some of these dreams repeat multiple times with the same person. Others are one and done. Continue reading


DREAM WEAVER 4.1

dream-waever

 

Someone dreamt their eyes were pooling with blood. I had a dream I found a bottle of cologne with one of my friend’s name on the label, under which was printed Architect and Philosopher. A friend of mine is making a maps to the landscapes in her dreams. Last night I dreamt about a party with too many staircases. This was after the destruction of Chicago, a new canyon dredged to fill with ruins.

As I write this there is a square glass filled with writing implements on my desk, situated eight inches diagonally from my right hand. This glass was a Christmas gift given by a boss when I worked in an office four floors above where I now sit. This glass was a way of saying I know I’m supposed to buy you a gift, but fuck you. Sometimes waking from a dream I feel the world is telling me the same thing.

Inside the glass there’s twenty or so pens and pencils and markers that came from other dreams: a Micron 08 I once sketched my son’s face with, a Staples Hype highlighter that I colored in the squares representing my vacation weeks with, a BP Zebra F-301 mechanical pencil that I used to complete problem sets for Technical Mathematics 215, a black ballpoint pen with my deceased grandfather’s name emblazoned on it that I rescued from his 1990 Lincoln Town Car after the transmission went and I almost drove it into my house then decided wasn’t worth the cost of repair.

These are all dreams. None of them exist, but I can vividly recall them. Memories are the superstition we build our lives on. We all know America was never great. If you don’t then why the fuck are you reading this? None of your memories are more valid than that great lie.

There’s a lot of superstition surrounding dreams as well: you can’t die in a dream, there’s a right way to interpret them, that we can understand.

This isn’t an attempt to trick you. Surety is.

We’ve all had dreams we didn’t want to wake from. Many of us have had dreams we return to. A smaller group of us have learned to navigate those dreams, have become conscious of the dreaming within the dream. Spiritual teachers tell us this is a way of training for becoming conscious of the dreaming within this dream. There are many volumes dedicated accounts of those who’ve done this, been able to accomplish fantastic feats because they’ve fully integrated this awakening. Last night my daughter asked me what I would do if I could do anything. Anything, I replied.

The grief of death is the refusal to accept the beauty of the dead cat’s smile. The grief of death is the lie of memory, and your attachment to it.

How much of who you are is a lie? How much of who you are today is the remembrance of yourself congealing in the bathroom mirror? How hard is it to forget all the times you’ve been hurt? When was the last time you forgot who you were?

Be someone else tomorrow. Be conscious of the remembering. Interdict possibility before the approach of memory. Write yourself a note so you don’t have to remember this.


26 Things Emotionally Strong People Do

Man jump

 
1. Emotionally Strong people are less discouraged by the stresses and discouragements of life than people who aren’t Emotionally Strong people.

2. Emotionally Strong people are able to unemotionally express their emotional needs.

3. Emotionally Strong people don’t focus on the hurdle itself, but on the nourishing Light near and around and on the hurdle.

4. Emotionally strong people eat correctly and exercise the right, and correct way.

5. Emotionally Strong people are able to recover quickly from the emotionally harmful nature of emotional wounds i.e. rejection, failure, or when Whole Foods is out of umeboshi paste.

6. Emotionally strong people get the amount of sleep they need, and understand how to best navigate their own specific and Loving sleep patterns.
Continue reading


Packing a Go Bag For Being on the Lam an Indeterminable Amount of Time

The following article is not a metaphor for anything. Neither the items that you are being told to collect nor the bag in which you are to put those things are symbolic and do not “represent” anything in your life. If you are not at all concerned about the very real possibility that you may have to get up at a moment’s notice and flee some very real danger, then you can just click the fuck out of this page, compadre. Continue reading


NOBODY DIES ALONE – Ask Heather A #10 – The Hogwarts Sexual Predator Registry

unnamedDear Heather A,

My boss put the above valentine on my desk. He didn’t sign it or anything, but I know it was from him.

Last Friday night, he mentioned his wife would be out of town and then he called me, drunk, at 11:30 PM, saying he was at a bar down the street from my house. He wanted me to meet him there.

All of this is really gross to me. I just want to go to work without having this creep perv on me. What should I do?

Kelly

Seattle, Wa.

—-

Dear Kelly,

It’s like Christmas in February. Let me read your letter again, just to make sure that I am not having a waking fantasy.

Yep, my eyes don’t deceive me! Your boss is a sexual predator! Hallelujah! How’s it feel to be the luckiest lady in the whole wide world, Kelly? Do you know how many women would KILL be in your shoes? And best news ever:  This predator isn’t the creepy mailroom guy, with the halitosis/bluetooth connected to his face.  The predator is your very own BOSS! That’s what we call A-League. Congratulations, because you’ve arrived!! Continue reading


NOBODY DIES ALONE – Ask Heather A #9 – Valentine’s Day in the Sahara

file0001941256237

Heather A,

I’m 42 years old, recently went through a messy divorce about two years ago. I just started dating again. I’ve been seeing this woman for a couple months now. She’s a nice lady, has her shit together, no kids, no baggage.  

Valentine’s day is a shit holiday. I’ve always hated it. It’s a manufactured capitalist scam, manipulating people’s sentiments in order to get them to spend money. It sickens me to my core. My ex-wife and I would fight about it every year. It holds a lot of negative emotional energy for me. Should I just be straight forward about this? Or should I avoid V-day altogether, say nothing, and play dumb?

No name Given

Des Moines, Iowa

 

Dear Playing it Dumb in Des Moines,

I don’t want to imagine what it would be like to date you. **BUT** because I am a DATING ADVICE TRIPPLE GURU MENSA PROFESSIONAL and it is my job to be the fucking Patron Saint of Fucktard Idiot Daters Who Have Zero Idea About what to do when it comes to Proper Courtship, I’m going to try and put myself in this poor woman’s place …

It’s Wednesday night. Date Night, 6:30 PM.  We are at Red Robin, sitting across from one another. I’m wearing a push-up bra and a v-neck from The Gap. Maybe I’ve flat ironed my hair for the occasion. There’s a basket of Chicken Wings between us and tiny plastic cup of ranch dressing.  You look at me, wing in hand, half chewing, and say something like:  “Valentine’s day is a shit holiday.” STRIKE ONE. Strike one, because first of all, wait until you’re finished chewing before you talk, you goddamned ape. Second of all, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY.
Continue reading