Three poems (#3) – Ally Malinenko

 

Thumbs Up

We’re here for the same reason everyone is here,
I suppose,
a morbid curiosity
a sense of cultural nationalism
maybe a way to see the moment
that has led to 15 years of never ending war,

All the same it is Memorial Day
and we are here at the 9/11 memorial
with my inlaws,
standing over those two footprints
now pools that keep descending in a way
that reminds me too much of a doorway
to hell

But the sun is shining
and everyone else is talking and laughing
lining up at the gift shop kiosk
which they call a book store
even though it doesn’t sell books,
in the same way they call the big gift shop
up the street
the Preview Site
because they’re trying
to have tact.

Anniversary

 

On the anniversary of radiation
I walked to the hospital
not on even on purpose
but just because
I felt like a change
from my usual walk

and found that my legs
still went that way.
After seven weeks,
why wouldn’t they?

It wasn’t until afterwards
that I realized the date

that it was three months
since my last radiation treatment
when I walked out of that hospital
feeling more alive
than I had walked in

Three Poems – Ally Malinenko

Fight Like a Girl and Other Bullshit from Cancer Inc
 
Fight, sure,
but eventually you will collapse
and when you do
it will feel good
 
like giving up
because that’s what you wanted to do all along
 
because when you told each other
that it was just a speed bump
and that’s all
it was a lie.
 
Because fighting doesn’t make a difference
because all the wrong choices were made
a long time ago
and you did damage
you can’t undo
and it’s over
now this
slow unwinding
as if you never
existed
at
all.
 

				

Three Poems – Ally Malinenko

The things I thought of when the doctor told me I had cancer at 37
 
genes
definitely
I mean come on,
why even wonder about anything else
your grandmother
your mother
your father
your sister
except then
the doctor mentions
alcohol
and I think
about
all the scotch
and beer
and wine
and whiskey
that I’ve put back
and then I wonder
what about those
times I stood in
front of the microwave
impatiently waiting
for my leftovers
to reheat at work
or water
bottled water
I watched a
documentary
about bottled water
that shit isn’t regulated
so maybe
microwaved plastic
and bottled water
no genes
definitely genes
some people just have bad luck
Luck?
Bad luck?
Like karma?